Summer Journal Entry

With Summer at an all time high, I’ve already started to mourn the passing of the most golden time of year. Lately, it feels like Summer is flying by in a blur filled with packed weekends, dinner plans, birthday parties, and brunches. As much as I love making plans, I find myself struggling to be present for all of them. Between adjusting to a new job, navigating the pandemic, and simply trying to get a sense of life direction, I don’t even realize I feel overwhelmed until well, I sit and write it down.

This past year came with a lot of expectations. Universally, I know that everyone hoped for better, for healing, for a sense of possibility. As for me, I had high hopes for a new career, the opportunity to travel, and if fate would have it, new love. For friends who know me, I don’t think it would come as a surprise that I try to take bigger bites out of life than I can chew. I want it all: a fulfilling career, packed social calendar, deep connections with friends and family, time to workout, travel plans, and the kind of perfect relationship that defies gravity. I think only the lucky ones are able to achieve nirvana in one of these categories in life. No matter trying to achieve all six.

As I ease into my mid twenties, I find myself feeling as if I’m trying to build my life with a stack of cards instead of cement or bricks. When I look around, which I know you’re not supposed to do in life, I find myself wondering if I’m somehow behind. Though I know there’s no “right” way to do life, I can’t help but feel this sense of doom every so often. Logging into Facebook is like simply diving into the world of engagements and new babies. Instagram shows that the greenest grass is always somewhere else. Meanwhile, though my single status rarely causes me any grief, I can’t help but feel that I’m a fool to think that I have all the time in the world.

I know I’m not alone in my desire to have life all “figured out” and I know that life is meant to be lived with uncertainty. All that I can do is try to define happiness on my own terms, beyond what might make other people happy.

Despite my cloudy thoughts and occasional moods of self-doubt, the past seven months of the year have been filled with moments of pure joy and love. A picnic in the park with friends, a boat ride in Long Beach harbor, visiting my favorite thrift store on Melrose, making new friends at a photoshoot, baking new creations at home, celebrating new chapters with old friends, and of course, thinking of new content to share with you here on Ella Kol. These are the things that pull my life into focus, that make life worth living.

As you might know, Ella Kol was originally only supposed to be about fashion, but as it turned out I found it difficult to always be sharing and wearing new outfits. I didn’t really get into thrifting until college and honestly, I realized I didn’t only want to write about one topic. Often on the internet, we only get one view of someone. Only a small glimpse of what they might want a viewer to see. Through my writing, short videos, reviews, and photos, I enjoy sharing multiple facets of my world with you. I strive to give you, the reader, a piece myself that is personal, relatable, and warm.

With the year turning a corner, I simply wonder what the rest of 2021 has to hold. The good news is, we’re more than half way through the year. The bad news is, we’re more than half way through the year and hot girl Summer is soon to turn into cuffing season. My childhood friends and I have an inside joke that it’s ideal to have a boyfriend by the holidays so you can walk around a famous Christmas light neighborhood called Candy Cane Lane. I know it sounds juvenile but it’s still on my bucket list.

In the meantime, I’m wishing you a lovely Summer filled with sunshine, laughter, picnics, fresh fruit, and bon fires. Thank you for reading and as always feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section down below.

xx

Ella Kol