Mar 3

Mar 3 Long time, No Sea.

Sorry, I’ve been away…

If you’ve been following along, you might have noticed I went on a bit of hiatus last year. My posts were few with large gaps of time between them. I always want to put as much time and spirit into each post, so I’d rather post less and put more thought into each entry. Last year was a year of struggle. Granted, I’m sure that my problems are minute compared to the issues that others face, but to me, my struggle felt like it was absorbing me and seeping into other parts of my life.

Basically you could say that I was deeply unhappy at my job and I felt petty and annoyed to even say this out-loud. It seems like most people just work to make ends meet; to put food on the table and to provide for the future. Of course, this is a honorable thing to do. To work so that you can invest in your future. To pay your dues so that you may have something to show for later in life. But after several interviews, I found myself feeling lost, hopeless, disappointed, and very much rejected. I knew adulting would be difficult. I knew that the nine to five crunch would lessen the time I had to put towards my creative projects. But I never anticipated the wave of rejection that must be bravely faced over and over again.

After months of doubt and sadness, my angst started to seep into my relationships. I began to tell my friends and family how unhappy I was. For the most part, my woes were met with love and support. Everyone I knew understood how rough it could be to find something new, but it still made me upset to realize that something so trivial as a toxic workplace could leak into other aspects of my life. I just felt so lost and so unlike myself.

But despite the lowest points of the year, there were of course, the happiest of times. I met someone who makes me so, so happy and I even traveled to Bali with some of my dearest friends (travel post coming soon!). Looking back at my camera roll of thousands of photos I took from birthdays, dates, friendship outings, photoshoots and travels made me realize that I was more resilient than I thought. What I have to show for my life last year outweighed any bad day I had at work. From going to new brunch spots with friends to journaling about my travels, life was good and I was more than fortunate to experience all of it. I had not lost anything due to the one unhappy aspect of my life, if anything it made me stronger.

So despite it all, I’m still here. I’m still chasing after the jobs that I think will make me the happiest and I’m still expressing my creativity purely because it makes me happy. As my last post with Loren Stewart will show, you just never know where a blog can take you.

It is my goal this year to invest more time into Ella Kol. To grow the blog, be more consistent, and share the process along the way. My one hope is that reading this brings you as much joy as it does for me. Ella Kol is so much more than just a blog to me, it’s a glimpse into my world, my struggles, and my dreams.🌸