Back in May, I visited the Huntington Gardens in San Marino with my dear photographer friend Kiley. It was a warm spring afternoon and we were excited to explore the gardens. This was actually our second visit to the gardens because the first time we met up to shoot, we ended up chatting so much that we lost track of time and the gardens close at 5pm sharp.

For the second time around, we were a little more prepared and allotted more time to shoot. Since the Huntington Gardens features a beautiful Japanese garden, I wanted to wear a vintage kimono I thrifted a few years ago.

As fourth generation Asian American, I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I don’t possess very deep ties to my culture. I’m half Chinese and half Japanese yet I don’t speak either language nor have I visited either country (I plan on it though). I grew up with a diverse group of friends but lived in a predominantly white neighborhood. When I was little, it wasn’t 'cool’ to be Asian and I couldn’t understand why my monolid eyes felt awkwardly different than everyone else’s. In the mid 90’s, early 2000’s, there were very few mainstream Asian celebrities, models, actors, tastemakers, etc. Before YouTube or Instagram, I grew up reading print magazines featuring usually the ‘All American” girls on the front covers or watching Disney Chanel skipping between Lizzie McGuire and Hannah Montana. The media that I grew up with felt like it really only celebrated a singular kind of beauty and I felt keenly aware that I didn’t check any of those boxes.

Fast toward to today and I feel like we have made some progress. K-beauty, K-pop, and K-BBQ have taken over life here in the US, matcha is regularly sought out by every wellness seeker, and the lines for Din Tai Fung are always insanely long. In short, being Asian American in many ways feels like it’s become not only acceptable but ‘cool’. BTS and BLACKPINK have flipped the pop world upside down and as a result, the fascination with Asian culture is growing rapidly.

The older I get, the more I want to lean into my culture and discover the meaning behind all the traditions that have been left behind. I no longer wish to dilute the connection to my culture and I recognize that my American identity and Asian identity are of equal importance.

Some small steps I have taken to get back to my roots are: I joined The Peahce Project (pronounced like peace) which is a Gen Z international digital community that creates creative content celebrating Asian identity and I cooked Lunar New Year dinner with as many traditional dishes as I could make in six hours. I also made festive postcards and mailed a few lai see (or 红包 hóng bāo) to friends this past year. Lastly, I did try to start incorporating Mandarin and Japanese language lessons using Duolingo, but that’s been a work in progress. This upcoming Lunar New Year, I do plan on cooking again. This time, I feel like I can plan a little better and make some dishes in advance instead of trying to cook everything the day of.

For this shoot, I realize that most of the shots were taken on the Chinese side of the gardens. I was drawn to the sweeping pond and bridge as we were walking through and we ended up taking most of my favorite shots there. Looking at these photos, I realize it’s the perfect blend of who I am: dressed a romantic bustier top and gauze skirt (both thrifted), paired with my favorite rose kimono, and surrounded by the beauty of classical-style Chinese gardens. These photos celebrate the intersection of my cultural worlds. I finally feel closer to harmony with my own sense of cultural identity and I have so much pride for the world my family and I come from.

With all the hateful events that have transpired this past year, I can’t help but wonder: is it enough that more people than ever have found themselves enjoying something that’s rooted in Asian culture? Whether it be as simple as Chinese take-out, Korean skincare, Vietnamese nail technicians, or Japanese cars. Like it or not, Asian culture represents a piece of America’s melting pot just like every other ethnic group that calls this place home.

My hope is that we can all live in harmony while celebrating the richness of our diversity. There is so much to gain from being inclusive, curious, kind, and open-minded. If you leave with anything from my small world here, it’s that I hope you have pride in your culture and I hope you encourage others to do so too.

How do you feel towards your cultural identity? Has it always been clear to you or has it been a journey? Let me know your thoughts in the comments section down below.

xx

Kiana

PS: When I was in high school, I remember coming to the Huntington Gardens to meet my grandmother and aunt for tea. The Rose Garden Tea Room is currently closed for renovations, but once it’s open I highly recommend visiting.

Photography by Kiley Rickman.